My Musings

TTBG’s Price Guide To Charging On My Blog.

price guide

I’ve decided that I’m going to start charging for posts on my blog, I’m not getting any younger and I’ve realised that my blog is the golden goose, the cash cow just waiting to be tapped, not tapped like ‘tap that ass’ it’s a cow and bestiality is wrong!

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I’m a reasonable guy and as such I’m prepared to offer a reasonable price for various blog posts and reviews on my book f’n blog.

For book excerpts, I feel that a charge of £10 is a fair price as long as you send all the information that I need (excerpt, cover, blurb, author picture, social media links, etc). If the excerpt is in PDF format then, unfortunately, it means that I will need to change it get it suitably formatted into a WordPress post. That is an undue hassle for me and so, a charge of an extra £10 will be required, after all, money = time!

For guest posts, same as book excerpts, a charge of £10.

For interviews, I have to take time out of reading to come up with questions so a charge of £20 seems fair as I’m missing out on reading to write you up some questions!

NOW!!! It is NOT my job or requirement as a blogger to obtain any of the following: book cover, blurb, purchase links, author picture, social media links, therefore! If you choose NOT to send those things with the excerpt, guest post or interview then an additional charge of £5 for each that you don’t send will be added to the overall charge, that isn’t me being money grabbing and trying to swindle you, not at all, that is me trying to help you out because once you have been charged with neglecting to send the relevant information you won’t forget to send it ever again!

Actually, that means I am helping the author out but also my fellow bloggers too! I charge the author for forgetting or just not being arsed then when they appear on your blog, they will remember to send you all the required bits for the post! Ergo, making both your life and drafting up the post easier! So, bloggers! That means I will require some money from you too! I think £5 is fair as think of all the time I will be saving you, I take one for the team and then we all win, winning!

I am currently closed to review requests yet you still choose to ignore that, can you say wasting my time! Sigh, I’m not made of money and time stops for no-one! So, if you send me a review request whilst I am closed to requests please ensure that you also send me the princely sum of £20! I think that is a valid amount for wasting my time! You obviously write, so you must be able to read yet you can’t seem to read four simple words ‘closed to review requests’ sigh!

If you choose to send me requests for reviews and to appear on my blog for books in genres that I do not read then you’d better get your chequebook out! A charge of £50 will be required as you should have read my review policy better, silly! If you are an author of ‘those‘ books with those ghastly covers of men with granite abs then there is no amount of money in the world that would make me have your book on my blog, hell no! Barf! Sickening, I’d be sick while drafting up the post and I’d rather not be ill than be getting some money, sorry bout your damn luck, find another blog, there are lots of strange people out there who like Studley’s on covers, go and pollute one of their blogs!

If you are an author of Dino Porn or Monster Erotica then you can appear on my blog for free! Yes, told you I am charitable, why free you might ask?!?!? Because it would be funny as fuck to have a book from that genre on my blog, funny as f-u-c-k!!!! 🙂

For reviews, I know £75 is the going rate, but…..I’m not that fucking cheap and I believe a small sum of £200 regardless of length or content is a fair and decent price to ask.

However, there will also be a surcharge! I like swearing, it’s fucking awesome and so, for every swear word that I use in the review I will charge an additional sum:

  • Arse, Bloody and Tosser £0.50p
  • Piss, Shit, Bollocks and Wanker £1.
  • Bastard £2.
  • Fuck, Fucking and Motherfucker £5.
  • Cunt and Cunting £10.

Any other swear words that I choose to use will be free! Told you I’m fucking generous!!!

You might think that the £10 for the use of the word cunt/cunting is rather extortionate I disagree! You see, I like the word cunt, it amuses the fuck out of me to say cunt and see people cringe, cunting motherfucker is a wonderful term BUT! Lots of people don’t like cunt as a word, they find it horrible and moan about its usage, guess I’m just a cunt for liking to use cunt and they are cunts for disliking cunt! However, each time I use the word cunt I stand the chance of upsetting the PC brigade and facing the wrath of them getting their granny panties all in a twist of the use of such an offensive and deeming word as cunt! I know, right?! It’s a four letter fucking word, not the end of the cunting world! Hey ho, I don’t want to invoke their ire so I feel the £10 charge for each use of the word is fair as I will have to deal with the marauding horde of the PC brigade should they, in fact, take offence to me using the word cunt. You dear author won’t have to deal with a thing whereas I will need to mollify and make fucking apologies for offending anyone with delicate sensibilities!

Please note dear authors that while I fucking love fucking swearing and find it to be fucking wonderful I won’t go out of my fucking way to swear any more than is absolutely fucking necessary in any of my fucking reviews. That would be fucking cruel and I’m not a heartless fucking bastard out for all the fucking money that I can fucking get from fucking blogging so I wouldn’t fucking intentionally overcharge you by using more fucking swear words than absolutely cunting necessary to the post!

I’m also sarcastic and well, I can’t give that away for free now, can I??!?!? No, of course not, that would be like the Donald Trump saying ‘free healthcare for all’ or a prostitute spreading her legs and saying ‘take a ride, no charge’ it just doesn’t happen!!! Sorry to say, so, for each sarcastic comment that I make during the review I will have to charge you an additional £5, it’s not much, just a little extra for me including my personality into the review instead of being just boring and bland.

Publishers, you aren’t struggling indie authors and will have far more money than them, putting two and two together and coming up with four, not like some dumb cunt and guessing 69! That means you can afford to give me more money! So, for blog tours I will be charging £100 for a post regardless of what it is, seems fair to me! Also, an additional £10 for every bit of information that you neglect to fucking send, publicist, it’s your job to publicise so you should be sending all the required information with the post!

You might ask how I came up with these prices and the answer is, I just fucking did, OK??

I should note, that if anyone is a cunt and fucking annoys me then you will need to pay me an apology fee, I’d say £25 is a nice sum. I’m a sweet and innocent delicate flower and don’t want any hurtful, nasty or foul-fucking-mouthed comments that could cause me hurt and distress. If you insult me and my blog then that fee rises to £50, being annoying is one thing, being an insulting fuckwit is another thing entirely!

Finally, if I just don’t like you then you need to give me £100, that seems an adequate amount for me having to put up idiots!!!! 🙂

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I think that with these prices I won’t really care what any of you think about me! You probably all hate me already anyway so it’s all good that I will be vilified by the blogging community and I shall soon be rolling in the cash regardless of your disdain and view!

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What do you all think?? Am I charging too fucking much?? Not enough?? Just the fucking sweet spot right amount??

I’m hoping that none of you got this far and thought I was being serious!

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It needs to be noted that most of you will have read this and will have realised that I am having a laugh and joking around simply due to the recent influx of bloggers charging for reviews! If however, any of you read this and think that I’m being serious then, well, you obviously haven’t read my blog before, I’m a sarcastic cunt at times and this is just me joking around, no offence is meant so don’t go getting your panties bunched up, an easy way to stop that happening is to not wear any panties you know, nudge nudge, wink wink! 😉 See – joking around as my blog is a place of anything goes fun and debauchery!

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123 thoughts on “TTBG’s Price Guide To Charging On My Blog.

  1. I’m surprised you aren’t charging for every comment that review will receive. That’s your personal blog space. You don’t let tenants live in your house for free do you? Charge em!

    Also, you have to invest time reading and then replying to every comment you receive, which actually means double pay for every comment. Yours and theirs. Charge em!

    And what about pingbacks? They leave links to your blog for a free read? Don’t think so! Charge em!

    Every like? Reblog? Share? Charge em!

    Page views? Charge em!

    *rattles off “charge em” for the rest of his days

    Liked by 4 people

      1. aye, true that but you’d be amazed at how sometimes jokes/sarcasm is just not understood… it sure does amaze me nearly every day. I say you’re brave for being open to the possibility of dealing with ‘complaints’ … I couldnt be arsed so I keep things as mellow as possible!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh, I know all about sarcasm being misunderstood and jokes, having to explain a joke that you think is obvious to someone is damn annoying!!!😂

        I’d rather not get any complaints but I’m open to the possibility with the stuff I write, it’s just how it is. I’d just rather get a valid complaint than one that lacks validity.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. LOL I don’t know at which to laugh harder: your post or the fact that there are bloggers out there charging for reviews… Are you kidding me?
    Seriously, thanks for the giggles because everything else is just ridiculous! What have we become? Sheesh…
    I look forward to some Dino Porn and Monster Erotica reviews because I have a feeling you’ve just opened your little Pandora box 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel the need to charge you the princely sum of £12.42 for the single view I just gave this post. Spend a good 5 mins reading the whole thing.

    Money is time … money, money, money, money, money. Ha! Dollah, dollah!

    Ps,

    And additional charge of £4 for the comment, £3 for the song snippet (not my intellectual property so risking a fine) and £0.58 for the post script.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It appears I didn’t. I must have forgot in my haste to lay out the charges. Consider yourself charged a further £5 for the wrongful assumption I liked it. And another £5 for the like you are about to recieve of the main post. Liking your comment was a simple freebie.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m guessing I’m among the “lots of strange people out there who like Studley’s on covers” 😂 You’d be rich in no time at all if you started charging peeps for sending you review requests for books you didn’t read!
    Also, I take back what I said about that conventional Mafia romance novel. You definitely swear more 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Merely a sentence that I wrote, no offence was meant to any bloggers who like those books, if you took offence and I offended your delicate sensibilities then I wholeheartedly apologise, I’m truly sorry.🙁

      Though let’s be fair, you do comment on my blog and there’s nothing normal on here, means that you must have a bit of strange in you!😂😂😂

      That whole paragraph of swearing was a joke Jabz, granted the whole post wss but I don’t swear that much! That little sprog is an insult to me, there’s a charge for that!😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Fake apology NOT accepted!
        Also, delicate sensibilities!? I used to live in the land of tentacle porn! Once you’re surrounded by that on a regular basis (no joke, all you had to do was take one step too many to the back of a bookstore), it takes a lot to offend you 😛
        Little sprog!? Do I look like a small genetically mutated frog to you!?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well, I read this comment earlier but after you called into question the legitimacy of my apology my own delicate sensibilities took over and I had to go and have a cry! Mean! M – E- A – N!!!

        Ha, gotcha, so you’re hard to offend which is why you put up with my comments. (Drew takes a mental note to himself to see how much he can offend Jazz).😂😂😂

        WTF is tentacle porn?!? I presume a subgenre of monster porn but who knows!

        Don’t like little sprog?? What about sproglet??😂😂😂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Aww I extend my own equally fake apology to your and your non existing delicate sensibilities 😛
        Oh you poor, sweet sheltered thing! You don’t know what tentacle porn is? It’s exclusively Japanese, I think. Have you ever watched any anime? There’s a horrific sub genre called hentai which is basically animated porn and some people favour the use of tentacles 😳 It’s so strange. Japan seems to be this really conservative society and then you stumble upon all sorts of books and DVDs in the back of certain stores *shudder*
        Sproglet is even worse! 😰

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Hhhmm! Fine! OK, I shall begrudgingly accept your fake apology and just so you know, this fake apology of yours tarnishes you with the same ‘bad’ brush as me! Ergo, Missy! You are as bad as me!😂😂😂

        Nope, I’ve never been into anime and yeah, that sounds weird as f#ck!🤢

        Oh no, Sproglet is worse!😂 How about Sproggy? Sprat? Sprogadile? Sprazz?!?!😂😂😂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. If I’m as bad as you then it’s only because you’re a bad influence! You’ve corrupted my sweet, innocent, non-sarcastic nature!
        …if you INSIST on calling me something other than my name, then go with Sprogadile. I can pretend I’m some sort of super hero with that name at least…

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Those books didn’t corrupt me, they opened me up to the possibility that true love, fate and romance might exist! 😛 Enlightenment, not corruption!
        I didn’t think you could make these names any worse and you go ahead and surprise me all over again 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Enlightenment not corruption!?! Bwahahahaha!😂😂😂 Yeah yeah, you believe that Jabz!😂

        Names can always get worse, always Sproggo!😂 Sprogeon?!😂 Though I do lack a filter so if I take it too far you’d better tell me!

        Like

      8. You should really try just one of ‘those’ books. You’ll soon see what I mean! 😀
        Don’t merge my already horrific nickname with ‘pigeon’!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Too funny! :p

    I’ve mentioned before that I’m not inherently against people charging for reviews, but…you’re not going to get far when everyone else is doing it free, especially if you don’t have a huge audience! Perhaps people trying to charge will figure this out with experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, funny but definitely over the top!😂

      I think the main issue, especially with this specific blogger is how they go about it. They get lots of books from publishers, both UK and US and from what I’ve been told, where indie authors are concerned they send them tweets/emails saying that they like the look of the book and would be interested in reviewing it. Then after the author has replied they pull out the ‘I forgot to tell you that I charge’ line. Likewise it doesn’t say on their blog that they charge. That just seems underhand and devious regardless of whether charging is even right or wrong.

      Like

      1. Oh, wow, that’s definitely disingenuous. Most bloggers review for free, so don’t trick people into thinking you do, too! And, yeah, most bloggers I’ve seen trying to charge have a whole page outlining what their fees are. I doubt anyone trying to be underhanded about it is going to get very far. Likely half the world of indie authors is warning the other half to stay away from this person.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. OMG Drew! I love this post so much that I’m crying with laughter here! 😂😂 You’re going to be rolling in it very soon with all these different charges. I hope you don’t add a charge for commenting here. . . . . . fuck. . . you don’t do you?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Glad to see people are smiling over the post.😀

      Well, I don’t charge for people commenting, always appreciate comments from bloggers. However, I saw that dirty ‘f’ word in the comment and while I don’t use it, I do know what it means and should perhaps charge for swearing in comments.😂😂😂

      Like

  7. I love how your prices keep getting higher and higher the more ridiculous you requests become! 😛 Could you imagine if you started charing people for all of this? Ha, I love charing for swear words, I swear we could make a lot of money doing that!
    p.s. I’m not going to lie at first I thought you were being serious, but I soon realized how wrong I was 😂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know I know! I got a few paragraphs in and went he’s pulling my leg… I should know better I know! HA! Don’t worry you won’t be able to fool me again! 😛
        Oh well people take offense to everything so I wouldn’t be surprised.
        Haha, I think you’d be the first billionaire just because you swear! 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’d have thought that the first paragraph was enough for people to realise that the post wasn’t serious but it took you a few paragraphs, a FEW!😂😂😂

        Yep, they sure do, it’s gotten to the stage where you can’t say anything without offending someone so…..might as well offend them all!😂

        Hey! I don’t swear that much thank you!😂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh, I needed this! Been having a really rubbish day and been thinking I doubt I’ll sleep then, as usual, you have made me laugh….hysterically! I love that horrid c word and watch peoples faces when they hear it but of course a good girl like me would never use it 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  9. ‘my blog, my rules’-I love that! I need to embody that more I think, I’m always too scared I’m going to offend someone, mind you I’m Canadian so that probably doesn’t come as a surprise 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. OMG I was literally laughing my head off the whole way through this- I was actually worried if I was gonna die cos that’s the longest I’ve gone without breathing. Of course it is no laughing matter though, you need to get compensated- especially every time you say “cunting!” 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Brilliant 😄 All bloggers should have a twat tax though- reserved for authors/publishers who contact them without checking their reading preferences or actual names.

    “Hi,

    Thank you for getting touch.

    I am obliged to inform you that there is a tax of £20 to continue this correspondence as, though manners cost nothing, rudeness has a price tag.

    Bank details:
    Reference: ThoughtlessCunt#124

    Regards,

    Template available to all bloggers. For a fee.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Your sarcasm is so refreshing – in a virtual world where everyone takes themselves so serious and gets their knickers in a twist over the most ridiculous things on social media, this is like a breath of fresh air. Love your blog! Always a good laugh 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I’m disappointed Drew. I’m going to have to charge you for that. I trawled through all the comments and could find no ‘outraged’ from Ohio or ‘disgusted” from Derby. And I was really looking forward to the flak. Had my helmet ready and everything. You’re just not taking offending people seriously are you?
    ‘Disappointed’ from Devon

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Bahahahaha. Can i charge you for allowing me to say fucking bloody tosser in the comments? My very existence here is worth….mmmm. 100 US dollars and my Ausie friend told me if I used bloody tosser I got 10 points to becoming a certified citizen.

    Liked by 1 person

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