Miss me?! Realise I was gone?! Care?! Give a damn?! No! Didn’t think so!
I doubt that anyone noticed (I know I suck at commentating anyway, don’t post daily and I’m not one of the popular bloggers, part of the in-crowd or one of the cool kids) but I took a step away from social media (though I was still on there as it’s funny) and more importantly a week away from my blog, hell, it was the 14th when I last posted. I needed a break to clear my head over a few things and to consider what to do with my blog.
In my absence a few people followed my blog, liked my posts and a few commented (I’ll try and reply but if I miss any comments then my sincere apologies). Nothing really changed, the blog kept turning over, the world kept on spinning, the wheels on the bus kept turning round and round, the boobs of the world kept bouncing up and down and the apocalypse didn’t happen.
I had a case of ‘blogger burnout‘ back in March, not long after my blog turned 1 and I’ve been struggling with blogging again lately, to steal from HBK (Shawn Michael’s, WWE reference) I lost my smile.
I’ve found myself constantly questioning my blog. I shouldn’t be bothered about stats and generally, I’m not. But, I’ve realised recently that my follower count is going up (which is great) but the views, likes, comments and general interaction has been declining (which sucks) and it’s weird as you would think that if one goes up then so should the other! I’d also noticed that bloggers who once liked and commented on my blog have stopped and I find myself asking why? What have I done? I suck at commentating (as I previously mentioned) and I know that I don’t comment on many blogs. To me, it seems like you miss a few posts and then people just stop bothering with your blog in return. It happens to most bloggers, people come and people go, they fade away, it’s life but I found it noticeable with a few bloggers who I thought that I got on quite well with, bloggers who I thought would support my blog like I have supported theirs.
Obviously, it’s me and my blog that’s the issue! It’s probably the books I read too, I’m just a generic fantasy fan and I’m not down with all your Y-A and diverse books that are popular. I love my nerdy and geeky genre and while everyone else seems to be diversifying as it’s the ‘cool‘ thing to do, I’m quite happy to just keep reading what I like and fuck the rest! Sorry, those genres hold no appeal to me at all, which I’m sure all you diverse lovers will chime off about, that it’s people like me who won’t give the genre a chance. I’ll give you this, not everyone has to read the same and not everyone wants to read the same either! So, I guess that’s why you don’t bother with my blog, differences in books! I think it’s more than that though, I think personality plays a role too and I bet that while lots love what I write, lots also don’t.
I see everyone else’s stats increasing, bloggers telling the world how wonderful they are, how amazing and mine are stagnating, going down and I don’t know why?! I’ve written far more discussion and original posts than I ever did for the whole of last year and yet, downward spiral. Surely my blog should be growing like everyone else’s?! Is it really that bad?! I know I don’t have a bright and vibrant blog interface like many but are aesthetics really that important?! I like my howling Wolf and easy to navigate simple theme.
Blogger drama is also tiring and I get fed-up with it. Especially when people are jealous. You have more followers than them, jealous and you don’t deserve it, more likes, jealous and you don’t deserve it and then, of course, you get the ‘my review is better than yours’ brigade too, it’s not a pissing contest over popularity and who’s review is better as we all review differently, same for blog posts, we all write them differently, it’s called personality. It’s not the end of the fucking world but instead of praising a blogger for doing well people are jealous and bad mouth them because they are of the opinion that they are better, more like bitter. FYI, I’m the only one who can bad mouth my blog, anyone else, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
I look at my reviews, the simple wording, often repeated phrases, the bad grammar (though Grammarly has improved it and hey, if anyone want’s to be a grammar nazi maybe I shall be a personality nazi), the simplistic approach and style and I’m plagued by self-doubt that they aren’t good enough. Now, I know that there aren’t any specific criteria to adhere to for a ‘great‘ review but I see other reviews by bloggers which go into elaborate detail and overview of the story and offer in depth critique and analysis and I think ‘damn, mine don’t stand-up and match them‘ and then I feel bad about my reviews. It’s tiring looking at what you write and thinking how bad and how poor quality it is. The power of positivity is lacking where I’m concerned and just for once I’d like to look at something I’ve written and think ‘yeah, that’s pretty damn good‘.
A large part of blogging is also the community, it’s one of the main aspects and people always praise it, rightly so too, as you are all a great bunch. I’ve seen plenty of bloggers make real friends regardless of location and country with each other, people who are there for each other, even if it’s only a virtual friendship. Let’s be honest too, a kind and/or friendly word from a fellow blogger might be more than you get from people you know in real-life. Slipknot had it right with their song people = shit. Some sure fucking do!
I’m a loner in real-life, the stereotypical anti-social guy and part of me hoped that I’d be able to find a place within the book blogging community. For a time I thought that I had but now, not so much, I’m on the outskirts and I think that’s where I’ll always be, my antisocial ways seem to have bled over into blogging. Me and my blog are just unlikeable! I hoped it could be different but I can deal with being an outcast I just wish I could get my time back from people I wasted it on, kicked to the kerb because you think you’re better, if I wasn’t good enough at least I was fucking genuine!
When I started The Tattooed Book Geek I needed something to focus on, to help get me through a dark place and turning my love of reading into a book blog seemed like a good idea. Times change, I’m not sure that applies anymore and instead of being something to look forward to blogging was starting to feel like a chore when it should be fun!
I write what I want, sarcasm, check, puns, check, innuendo, check, swearing, check! The price guide post I wrote recently was probably one of the most foul-mouthed posts ever written, not much point to it, just tongue in cheek and lots of fun. Other posts I’ve written while also foul-mouthed and sarcastic did have points, often serious, author harassment, bloggers not being real readers, etc. All these posts do well, you all seem to love them, which is great! But, I don’t want to be seen as a performing monkey, I don’t want it to be a case of ‘let’s see what controversial thing he’ll write next‘ and for people to expect swearing and sarcasm, though they are key components of me and this blog. I don’t want my blog and me to get a bad reputation merely for being me in my blog posts. I could tone it down, be polite, eloquent and use no sarcasm or swearing BUT……it wouldn’t be me and if I did that I wouldn’t be being true to myself. Sure, I can rock the politeness with the best of them but I shouldn’t have to filter my own little blog just in case some people with delicate sensibilities don’t like it and take offence to what I write. I should feel free to write whatever the fuck I like!
I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t try to offend anyone on my blog, that would be wrong as I’m fully aware that lots of what I write does cross the line of decency. However, I don’t go out of my way to intentionally offend. Yes, there is a difference, I don’t think ‘ooohhh, what can I write that will offend certain people‘ ergo, trying intentionally to offend. Nope, some people just take offence as sadly there’ll always be someone who picks fault, dislikes and criticises what you write simply due to the fact that they disagree with the wording and language. I just write what I want and what I find amusing. If people find it funny too, it’s all good, if people take offence, it’s too bad, my blog, my wording, my language my motherfucking personality.
I’ve just been feeling that for a long time I put a lot into this blog and I get nothing back, I’m not sure what I expect, if anything but I’d like to achieve some feeling of self-worth from it purely for myself. I don’t mean stats, likes, comments or anything like that, I mean that I’d like to look at my blog and think ‘yeah, it’s cool‘ and a good place for people to visit instead of looking at it and thinking it’s a steaming pile of shit, which I have been doing a lot lately.
I lack confidence in myself and I lack confidence in my blog too. It’s a hobby, it should be fun! No-one likes my blog, it means no-one likes me as I put my own personality into the blog, wrong mindset but it’s the one I have and why would an unpopular guy have a popular blog?! They wouldn’t and I was crazy to think that I could!
You write something people don’t like, vilified, you don’t read the popular books, vilified, you came to blogging later than many and aren’t part of their cliques, vilified.
I’m not even a standard fantasy book blogger, I post weird shit and write poetry too, my blog is a fucking strange place and I don’t know where it or I fit into the blogging community?!?
Now I come to the end of this post and you know what dear readers?!? I have decided that I really don’t give a shit! Sure, I’m going to continue to be pissed and annoyed by certain people and certain things to do with blogging. But that’s life and everyone gets fed up, fucked off and annoyed at times over everything and people piss me off constantly anyway, try working in a supermarket!
Not a standard blogger? Who cares!
Not popular? Who gives a shit!
Don’t like my blog? See ya!
Have issues with how I write stuff? Bye bye, babies!
Foul mouthed? Fuck yeah!
Sarcastic? Me, never!
Gobby cunt? Hell yeah!
My week away from my blog was a good thing. It was a nice break not having to post any blog posts, draft any posts, check out blogs or even bother with anything blog related but it made me realise that I like having a blog! Sad as it sounds, The Tattooed Book Geek is my little slice of the Internet and it’s staying. My blog is my place to share my book reviews, views, vent and mouth off and I’m going to continue to keep on doing all that in my own unique way! I might be a bad blogger at times and miss posts, vanish for days, write shorter reviews, etc, but I’m staying and I’m going to blog for myself.
So, to answer the title of the post, is this the end?!?
No, it is not!
I’m going to continue blogging and I’m going to continue being me. For those who want to join me on this journey, welcome, hi, let’s continue to have some foul-mouthed and sarcastic fun! 🙂 For those looking for a nunnery or the priesthood, this blog isn’t for you. If anyone doesn’t like it, then, with all the sincerity, politeness and courtesy in the world you can fuck off! 🙂
Let’s be honest, those that follow this blog knew I’d end the post with some swearing!
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