Guest post: A Plague of C#nts by Imanarsehole IcansaywhatIwant.

!!WARNING!!

• This post contains exceptionally high levels of sarcasm.
• This is a parody post due to the recent bad mouthing of bloggers and as such, it is a joke post ‘roasting‘ bloggers and not meant to be taken seriously (so don’t be offended my naive, pure and delicate little snowflakes).
• The two bloggers mentioned and parodied in the post agreed to appear and consented to be ‘roasted‘.

Today on The Tattooed Book Geek I have for you all a guest post courtesy of the fuckwit who hates on book bloggers, the rather aptly named Imanarsehole IcansaywhatIwant.

I was commanded by Imanarsehole IcansaywhatIwant to tell you that you need to be aware that this is a great honour and a privilege for you all. That, to read the words of an omnipotent deity like themselves is something that people like you would never normally have the chance to do! Finally, that you should take heed from and cherish these words as they are written by someone who is simply put, better than you.

A Plague of Cunts.

Happy Sunday everyone or it would be if I didn’t feel the need to vent over those absolute cunts that are book bloggers! Yes, you reading this, that jumped up, self-important, self-righteous, sanctimonious, know-it-all, good for nothing opinionated cunt! Book bloggers, dregs of society, the lot of you, cunts!

I’m fed-up and fucking tired of reading all your shit, I mean get real no-one cares about it or you, you are irrelevant! Sat at your computer tapping away like you’re a writer when you’re not! You’re not an author and while I’m sure some of you have aspersions of becoming a writer when you grow up, get real! It won’t happen as you’re shit and have no talent! Next GRRM? Nope! Next JK Rowling? Nope! Next Stephen King? Nope! All talented writers, lower your standards, your only hope is to become a two-bit hack who writes drivel, EL James, Stephanie Myers, maybe if you improve then you could be the next one of either of them…….maybe but maybe not! Even they have to be better than the cunting shit I read all the while in your posts, c’mon I guess the only hope for you is to be the next Dr Chuck Tingle or write Dino Porn but then I bet even Dr Tingle can string two grammatically correct and coherent sentences together which is something most of you cunts fail at!

All you young ones, you should be focusing on school or as it’s the summer holidays outside playing. Yes, outside in the sunshine and fresh air, step away from the computer or tablet. Put down your book and go the fuck outside and do something constructive! Maybe if you little cunts put as much effort into school and university as you do your precious blog you’d have better grades and thus, better prospects!

All you older ones, why the fuck are you saddo’s even blogging? Do you not have a spouse, partner or kids to spend time with? Ignoring them just to blog and try to be popular (another point I’ll get to in a moment) on a shitty blog imparting your opinions like they are gospel! I mean really! Really! Why don’t all you woman bloggers go do the cleaning, the cooking (I always thought that the kitchen was your domain, I was wrong, it’s your blog) or spread your legs?

Female bloggers, I bet when you do spread your legs and have sex that you won’t be lying back and thinking of a film or music star whilst your fella or Missus (no discrimination here, I’m above it unlike all of you) pounds away. Oh no, that won’t make you moist, wet and wanting, I bet you think of your blog to get the juices flowing and gushing!

And don’t get me started on you all using your sexuality to promote your blogs by using pictures that have your tata’s on display for the world to see! It seems like you have the mantra ‘view my blog, see my tits, if you give me a follow, I’ll show you my clit‘. I’m not sure sex sells but it’s certainly free in the book blogging community!

Male bloggers, man up and grow a pair! You shouldn’t be inside on a ‘blog‘. Wrestle a bear, chop down a tree, just do something manly, anything, just don’t blog. It’s unbecoming of you and so very sad, I have to question if you male bloggers even have man parts to participate in and have a book blog!

If you have any, I bet you love your precious blog more than your child, it’s your real baby but why bother with your own flesh and blood when you have a blog? You ignore baby cunt crying in the corner who wants feeding whilst spending every waking moment over Imacunt.com your own ‘special‘ solitary creation, no insemination needed, just type in a name and away you go another cunt with yet another book blog!

Real-life people, try living it instead of vicariously leaching it from the pages of a book and through views on your platform of self-righteous preaching. You use your blog in exactly the same way that terrorists use videos to preach their hate rhetoric!

You also use the popularity of your blog as a way to gain validation from strangers, strangers! You don’t even know if these people are who they say they are, they could be rapists, murderers, paedophiles, sad old pervs knocking one off in front of the computer screen as they read your reviews, you don’t know yet you need them to love you, freaks! The only thing you know for certain is that they are cunts because as I have said and will continue to say book bloggers are cunts! Repetition, in this case, is good as it might finally get through your thick skull and sink in making you change your ways from being the cunts you currently all are!

One thing I’ve noticed is that there is a gang mentality to the book blogging community, I try and educate one of you and the rest jump in like a bunch of rabid dogs or bitches in heat! Truthfully, I’m surprised that you all don’t have some sort of uniform to wear and code that you stand by! A motto ‘we are bloggers of books, we don’t give a fuck‘ or similar but obviously something foul mouthed and delinquent as that is what you all are. Where does it end? Will you start wearing crosses, bandana’s and carrying guns next in the style of a gang banger?!

I’m not even going to bother naming and shaming the worst that your pitiful group has to offer though I will lower myself to your abysmally low standards just this once and call out the ‘Shitland‘ blogger, look it up and get the place name right before you post, it’s not rocket science which I know you’re not clever enough for! Hell, it’s not even A-B-C, it’s as simple as it gets! Maybe if you stopped that twinnie lovefest with that blonde Canadian Irish blogger and actually researched and proofread your posts before posting then you wouldn’t make any stupid mistakes! And do you know what is worse than your error?? I shall enlighten you old gal, I see and know everything and I saw that you posted on Facebook about your error and laughed it off that you had been ‘told off‘ get serious, I was trying to help educate and correct you. The correct and courteous response would have been to thank me not play the victim for your own mistake.

Also, that uppity lefty conservative May-munching fake hippy pirate blogger bint needs a mention, I mean, she has an opinion on everything and she thinks she’s black! Posting all these Beyoncé gifs, you’re white sweetheart, deal with it and act like a civilised white mother, if not for yourself then think of your poor kids when you post your travesty to literature or as you call them ‘reviews‘ and sigh at your opinions on politics, people like you are the reason the world started going to shit when women were given the vote!

And, one last mention, this guy! I asked to come on this blog and guest post simply because the blogger will post anything! I knew that if I asked any other blogger to let me post this heartfelt piece then they would decline as it shines a negative light on you and shows the book blogging community for what you all truly are, cunts! But this guy, seriously! Have you seen the shit he writes, sarcasm, swearing, bad jokes, an attitude, he is obviously over compensating for something and is the perfect stereotype of what is wrong with society today. I feel unclean and as if my IQ has been lowered just by appearing on his blog but it was a means to an end and I got my article out there to be read.

For the rest of you, you know who and what they are and they should be ashamed of themselves. Yes, you know who you are, I’m talking to you, don’t think I’m not and don’t think that you can play all innocent hidden away behind your computer screen, you can’t, cunts!

I need to mention sharing, you all read the same books and then you proceed to share each and every review and post of the same fucking book cluttering up my time line of important competition retweets and playing the victim. It’s not on, sharing blog posts isn’t important, me attempting to win something is! I’m better than you, I come first, don’t share and don’t pollute my time lines with your garbage.

You all have your own opinions and you proclaim them as gospel, my word is truth blah blah fucking blah, let me tell you this no-one cares! Opinions are like arseholes we all have them but it doesn’t mean that I want to see yours! I can only imagine the dirty and unclean state of it after seeing the excrement laden place that is your blog!

When I correct you I expect gratitude and a sincere thank you NOT hassle and a fuck you! Swearing is the way of the neanderthal, lower class and you use it simply because your vocabulary doesn’t have a better word, sad! Yes, I’m fully aware that I am swearing in this post before any of you point out the obvious! Unlike when I point out your mistakes this isn’t an actual mistake! No! There is a valid reason behind it, I’m dumbing my writing down and lowering myself to your standard so that you understand me, the words I use and the meaning behind what I’m saying! I wouldn’t want you to misinterpret the post and then play the victim! That is also why I titled the post ‘book bloggers are cunts‘ it’s simple, straightforward and to the point, everyone hates the word ‘cunt‘ and so, right from reading the title you will know that everyone hates you!

I often wonder when I read blog posts whether or not any of you actually are fully functioning members of society? Because it really seems that all of you have issues of some sort of the other! I know lots of you say you have mental health problems but part of me thinks that’s not true and really you are just crazy and deluded! To think anyone cares about your opinions you have to be deluded, FYI (see, I can use your abbreviations too and make out I’m one of the cool kids) we don’t! Trust me, as a fully functioning member of society and one of your betters I can categorically tell you that we don’t care about your opinion, you or your blog!

I used to love reading, sadly, not anymore as all of you cunts have ruined it for me. Not just for me either, all of us ‘real‘ readers now feel ashamed to read a book due to the influx of all of you, a pandemic of obnoxious and opinionated garbage, a wave of shit polluting the reading world, a writhing mass of festering disease! That’s what you are, every single one of you, separate you are a pain, a nuisance, a nonentity, a diseased pustule, a boil on the ass crack of life. But added together, well, to all the misguided people who think that Donald Trump is the worst thing to happen to the world, I give to you all book bloggers, together you are all A PLAGUE OF CUNTS!

GET A LIFE!!!!

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About Imanarsehole IcansaywhatIwant.

Imanarsehole is the cousin to the Internet troll. A self-righteous and know-it-all individual who promotes their own personal view as gospel and likes to run their mouth belittling those that have done no wrong. Picking fault over minor and irrelevant things that no normal person cares about. Imanarsehole is simply a cunt with no life and too much time on their hands.

If you see one then point, laugh and comment on them ‘look it’s an arsehole‘ or ‘look at that cunt‘ and above all else please remember to tell them that no-one gives a fuck about their opinion.

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Well, there you have it, I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that is why I allowed Imanarsehole the chance, nay, the honour and the privilege to appear on my blog.

Thoughts?? Do you agree with Imanarsehole?? If you do then please tell me why. Do you disagree with Imanarsehole?? If you do then have at it and rip them a new one, remember, freedom of speech on my blog, say whatever the fuck you like in response to Imanarsehole’s guest post!

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