My Musings

TTBG’s New Venture! #bookbloggers #blogger #blogger #blog #funny

TTBG's NewVenture!

I started my morning eating a crumpet.πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ You can’t beat a nice bit of crumpet. Tasty and sweet, some can be salty and crusty too but mostly, they are damn good, moist and easy to spread.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

I’ve read that people also like to eat fish fingers and that you can’t beat getting ‘fishy fingers‘.πŸ πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ I’m far more discerning and prefer a crumpet, baps are good too but crumpet is better and so you know, you just get sticky fingers with a crumpet.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

After my morning crumpet, I went for a nice walk. Strolling across the fields, going up and going down before storm clouds rolled in and it started to rain. A light drizzle at first and then it came out gushing. I had been taking pictures, there was a group of people playing some sort of game, I’m not sure of the rules as they appeared to be celebrating scoring in any hole!?!?! I guess you could say that for them any hole was a goal!πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ But due to the weather, I was unable to take the money shot.

The rain made the fields dangerous, no more plowing, the mud turned into a swampy bog and I ended up slipping and sliding around unable to get any traction before I finally managed to get a firm grip on a tree trunk and steady myself. Also, yes, I got wet! A strange occurrence as I didn’t think it was dude’s that got wet, shows what I know.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ It wasn’t all bad though and on my way home the sun reappeared, I saw a dog, a growler and a cat and yes, I got to stroke the pussy.πŸˆπŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

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I took a shortcut and tried to climb over a wall, it didn’t go well, I’ll admit, I’m built for comfort and not speed but never fear! I managed to get myself off!πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

As I returned back to my house I decided that I was going to write a post on euphemisms. I was typing away on my phone drafting up the post but sadly, it was too hard and ultimately, I got stuck!πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ I should have taken my time over the post, waited and not rushed it. I think that my main error was that I approached it the wrong way as the idea had come to me whilst I was going through the back passage and entering the back door.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

Looking back I should have let it build from a slow and sedate beginning gradually getting faster before the end where the euphemisms came shooting out. Alas, the ending was a rather limp affair as I’d shot my load at the beginning.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

As my euphemism post failed I then thought I’d write a quick post on a different subject but, ya know, procrastination and now it’s tight as to whether I’ll finish in time and be able to squeeze it in but then again I might be able to knock a quick one out.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

I often feel like I fail as a blogger, my post views are shit, my amount of likes are crap, I don’t get many comments (it’s like tumbleweeds on my posts) and I generally think that the quality of my posts are crap.

Add in that I don’t get many books compared to lots of other bloggers. It’s not about books and its not like I want them all but it’s disheartening. If I was just able to get (some of) the ones I want it would be a nice extra to blogging.

Then! My attempts to get sponsored posts have been an abject and utter failure! I mean, I’m pretty good with words and can wax lyrical about shit that is shit and holds no interest to me but I’ll shine that turd up real nice, polish the shit and tell you it’s great as I was paid for the post.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

I even had a name for the feature ready to go ‘pimp my blog‘. I thought it was a pretty cool name, sure, the huge brands and companies probably wouldn’t want to appear on my little blog I know that but others, yeah, why the fuck not! What is wrong with me and my blog?! Why am I not worthy?!πŸ€”πŸ˜ž I mean, I take blogging really seriously and put in a lot of effort, a hell of a lot shouldn’t I get the rewards that go with that?! You’ll get absolutely no nonsense and immature posts on my blog, only the highest quality professional posts around!πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

As I said, I’m pretty good with words and I could write up aΒ recommendation for the tat that they are hawking!

Say, I was contacted by a company selling sausages and say that companyΒ was called Thick Rick’s!Β Even though I don’t enjoy munching on sausage myself I’m sure I could write up a post that extolls how Thick Rick’s are the meatiest and juiciest sausages around and that while normally I need more than one to fill me up, one of Thick Rick’s is all I need to satisfy me.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

But no, I’m left with The Tattooed Book Geek my crappy and unpopular little book blog and no way of making any money from it.😞😒

I remembered that on Friday I had to go outside and do some gardening, shudders, I know, it’s scary out there, there are people, germs, insects and pollen, all are bad!

tenor (32)

There are also elderly female neighbours who see you cutting the hedge and then ask if you are busy! Obviously, I was busy and whilst it might have been a completely innocent question from her, both her husband and her 45 (ish) year old man-child were at home and yet she required my assistance! She’d seen my prowess trimming the foliage and after noticing that you have to ask what did she want with me that neither her husband or man-child was capable of doing for her?!πŸ€”πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

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She hadn’t even got her teeth in when she accosted me and she was sucking on a lollipop! It was one of those milk type ones so there was creamy coloured stuff dribbling down her chin!🀒 She even said that she had taken her teeth out so that she could get better suction on it!πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

No, she didn’t want me to trim her bush if that’s what you were all thinking! Dirty-minded readers!πŸ˜‚ She actually just wanted to show me that her new carpet matches the drapes!πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

curtains-match-the-drapes-does-the-carpet-match-curtains-curtain-wall-curtains-match-the-drapes-tv-tropes

I digress, please accept my apologies. So, after I had finished my gardening, I was sat on the grass, tired, with the garden waste bin next to me, it was laying on its side so that I could easily fill it, which I did but at that particular moment it was too heavy to lift, I was drained, I couldn’t rise to the occasion and yes, I couldn’t get it up.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

Anyhow, I was admiring my work and I noticed that I have quite the flair for pruning bushes! This revelation led me to decide on a new business and blogging venture! For those of you who care worry not as The Tattooed Book Geek will still remain but I now have a bit on the side, a money-making (hopefully) blog.

I’ve still got to come up with a price guide but I’m thinking that prices will vary depending on the size of the bush, the length, the width, it’s age, how many bushes there are and if I have to do them all at once or separately, I don’t discriminate so the colour of the bush won’t matter but the type of bush will and obviously, if the bush in question is prickly or not as no-one likes a prickly bush and I’d need to charge extra for that!πŸŒ³πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜ Or, maybe I’ll just charge by the hour!πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

My new blog, The Bush Blogger.πŸŒ³πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

bush blogger satis

Remember folks!

bush rush

I was hoping to end the post with a euphemism but it looks like I’ve been unable to slip it in.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

This is a sponsored post brought to you by the company Drew Likes to Amuse Himself. It’s a highly offensive but funny as fuck company that does it for the shits and giggles.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

It’s all good fun, smile!πŸ˜€

tenor (33)


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27 thoughts on “TTBG’s New Venture! #bookbloggers #blogger #blogger #blog #funny

  1. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣
    Now that’s a way to bring on a laugh this morning. Didn’t know it was possible to stick so many euphemisms in one post! You should give a prize for whoever can guess the number… you know, like the jelly bean game πŸ˜‰πŸ˜„

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Are you fishing for compliments? Ah well, I’ll indulge you this one time πŸ˜› You think wrong. You have a really cool blog which is highly entertaining and you write well. I don’t think you suck as a blogger. But my opinion is just a little drop in an ocean, so I suppose it won’t make much of an impact.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. That it all that needs to be said.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This was so much fun to read. I’m disturbed however, by your frustration with responses. I just enjoy what you do and am sorry you seem to feel unwanted. Hugs my dear and ohhhh, I so want to try a crumpet someday. I’ve always read about them, but never googled them to discover if they were real!

    Liked by 1 person

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