My Musings

TTBG’s blogging goals for the second part of 2018.

TTBG's_Blogging Goals for the second part of 2018.

Hey yo, peeps!πŸ˜‚ I thought that today I’d reveal my blogging related goals for the second half of the year!

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Aaaawww, look at the little creeper flash! The Gremlin is revealing himself and showing all. Now, obviously, I’m not going to do that, it’d burn your eyes and The Tattooed Book Geek is not that type of blog! I run a high-class establishment of the utmost respect and seriousness. But revealing my goals for the rest of the year, sure, why not.

Firstly though, a rhyme!

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There are many blogs that I choose to read,
If I give them a like will they get on their knees?

There are many blogs that I choose to follow,
If I ply them grog I ask will they swallow?

There are many bloggers who like to have fun,
If you’re not down with that then I guess you should run.

Anyhow, here are my oh so serious blogging related goals.

Get to 100,000 combined blog followers.

Obviously, this will need to be over both my blog and my social media platforms but I think it is achievable. I mean, c’mon, it’s not a crazy goal like 1,000,000 followers and is a sensible number so I should be able to do it, right?!?

Get 10,000 views on a blog post.

Again, it’s an achievable and oh so important goal.Β All I need to do is beliebe and no, that isn’t a typo and I don’t mean believe, the spelling is right and I mean beliebe!Β πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

hey-there-i-5af912

Get 1,000 likes on a blog post.

Why not?! It’s doable and makes up the trifecta of stat related goals.πŸ™„πŸ˜‚

Side note: Aim big, aim high, go long and like Batman riding a Unicorn shoot for the sky!

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Big stats = big blogger, big blogger = better blogger!

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With attaining these sorts of blogging stats it will be validation as to my greatness and then add in the admiring hero worship that will come from you all too, hashtag winning!πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

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Acquire some bloupies.

Now, I’ve been trying (and failing) to find some bloupies (blogging groupies) for a while now and, alas, I am currently shit outta luck in the bloupie department. I tell you blimping (blog pimping) ain’t easy!

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So! If any of you want to help me out and either want to be a bloupie yourself or know someone who would be interested then holla at me through the contact form on my blog and make sure to use the heading ‘I want to be a bloupie‘ so that I know it’s not a random review request.πŸ˜‚

Create another blog.

I want to create a new blog for my side venture as the author of a new series of Dinosaur Porn books staring Timmy the Hewillmakeyousorearse-Rex going by the pen name Tasty McYumyum which I think is a fine name for a writer in that genre.πŸ‘πŸ‘Œ

I also intend to write a Dr Seuss style rhyming parody book called The Thrush in the Bush.

And!

I’m writing another parody this time monster porn! Have you heard of Deep Blue Sea?!? It’s a film (from 1999, I believe) where sharks are being researched on and go on a rampage. Well, in my version the sharks don’t go rampaging they go ravishing and it’s called: Deep Creamy Sea.

Deep Creamy Sea

If…..and it’s only ‘if‘ Deep Creamy Sea is met with a positive response then I have an idea for another parody this time a book by Mr Stephen King! Yes, The Green Mile will get filthed up and turned into The Cream Mile.πŸ˜±πŸ˜πŸ˜‚

Start a book blogger and reader dating site.

This will be an elite and paid for service similar to match.com with algorithms and all that claptrap to create the perfect partnership match and not a free site like plenty of pussy, sorry, plenty of fish where you will just get a booty call or a back alley sausage.

No, this is not a money making scheme and I’m not out to make a quick buck, far from it.

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I genuinely and legitimately want to help bring readers together to form lasting relationships. Think about it this way too. It doesn’t matter the distance between the couple as really, all that means is more reading time when travelling on the train to meet each other.πŸ‘

My site is for the distinguished gentlemen bloggers and the lady bloggers. No common blogging riff-raff, unfortunately, sorry. I know that’s taking out a wide range of the clientΓ¨le but I want the site to set a good example for both bloggers and readers from the name through to those who use the service.

I know you are all wondering what the name of the site is, well, it is: Hey, you like that book, let’s fuck.

Hey, you like that book, let's fuck

See, doesn’t it look like a genuine site for finding love and happiness?!?!Β πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

Get a famous author to appear on my blog.

For clarity’s sake, I don’t mean one of those modern day pretenders like JK Rowling, Stephen King or George RR Martin, oh no! I mean a proper famous author like Dickens, Shakespeare, Stoker or Tolkien.

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Yes, I’m aware that they have all snuffed it, have been worm food for many years and that their bones have long since turned to dust but! I have seen Bill & Ted and the pair of them being most excellent are going to hook me up with their time machine so that I can travel back in time and get either Dickens, Shakespeare, Stoker or Tolkien or if time permits and nothing bogus happens then, all to appear on my blog.

Become a well-respected pillar of the blogging community.

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Sniggers. Yeah, you read that correctly.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

Write a serious blog post with no swearing, no sarcasm and no euphemisms.

albundy_shock

Yes, again, you read that correctly no swearing, fuck, the horror! No sarcasm, great, a boring, bland and vanilla post. I think I’ll title it the ‘snowflake‘ post. And then no euphemisms! That’ll be a stiff task, I might get stuck and it’ll be hard…..very hard (yes, that’s what she said, she also said ouch). Alas, it means I won’t even be able to slip one in at the end! No closing money shot just a limp and flaccid conclusion that fails to rise to the occasion. Obviously, going on the content of this post I might also struggle with the serious aspect too.πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

Write the most offensive blog post I can.

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Yeah, I know what you are all thinking! That writing an offensive blog post should be easy for me and anyway, I had to have one obtainable goal on the list. Might as well end with it!πŸ‘


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51 thoughts on “TTBG’s blogging goals for the second part of 2018.

  1. Lol! 😁 This was so fun. I have to say that a reader dating site is an awesome idea. Maybe then people would stop trying to use Goodreads for that. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚ Thanks for all the laughs this morning!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ha ha!!! Well, good luck with these! (by the way, you’ve ALREADY written a serious blog post with no swearing and euphemisms!… It scared the crap out of me! πŸ˜‰) and I’m definitely down for some of that Dinosaur porn and will ABSOLUTELY be around when you get Tokein on your blog!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ’–πŸ»

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It was a poem that you wrote a little while ago. I kept waiting for the punchline and THERE WASN’T ONE! And there was no swearing OR SEX!!…. I told you in the comments that I was very worried for your mental wellbeing. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well, I’ll have to keep an eye out for it…. Or avoid it completely… I haven’t decided yet. πŸ˜‰ Maybe you should have a disclaimer so I can do a shot or 2 before reading it just to prepare myself…. Although, this IS me, I will have probably done a shot or 2 before reading it anyways. What I meant was ANOTHER shot or 2! 🍻πŸ₯ƒπŸ₯ƒ

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I want to be a bloupie!!! Ha,ha…I stinking loved this post! Very funny! Good luck on those likes and followers. Your goals are outstanding! And to give you the best possible outcome on traveling & reading time when hooking up with someone, I did you a little favor: so, the antipodal point from your area, with the closest proximity to land, is New Zealand. This should suffice for the maximum amount of reading pleasure / travel time possible πŸ˜‰ Happy reading, happy life!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha, I have no chance with those goals, no chance, likes and followers, not gonna happen. Mine is a teeny tiny little blog but it’s mine to filth up as I want and so it’s all good.πŸ˜‚ Though, not gonna lie, being a respected member of the community would be pretty cool and would help to erase my negative influence persona.πŸ˜‚

      Sure, you can be a bloupie, you like The Grey Bastards so you obviously have decent taste in books.πŸ‘πŸ“šπŸ˜‚

      Like

  4. Why not?? Dream big πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    Haha… bloupies. What does a bloupie do exactly? You know, maybe i want some as well. They could make me coffee or something.

    Reader dating… hmm, i dunno? I’d imagine if i dated a serious reader we’d end up doing nothing cuz he’d be reading all the time! πŸ˜€
    I used to work in a coffee shop and we had this couple coming in every week at least once. The dude was always reading something on kindle, the woman had a book or sometimes phone. They sat there for 2 hours, reading. The dude sometimes fell asleep. But the whole time they held hands. So cute! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Damn right!πŸ˜‚

      A bloupie can do whatever you want them to do.πŸ‘πŸ˜œ They are like the groupies that follow bands around only they follow blogs and bloggers.πŸ‘ Plenty of things for them to do.πŸ˜‚

      Eurgh, cute, I can’t possibly comment on that couple as it would ruin my reputation.😜

      Liked by 1 person

  5. As soon as I saw Justin Bieber in my reader I knew this was going to be good times.
    How does one become a bloupie? What does a bloupie do? πŸ€”
    Wow, how long have you been sitting on your dating site idea?
    You have some excellent goals; hopefully you can accomplish a few by the end of the year… if not all of them 😜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is different roles for different bloupies.πŸ‘πŸ˜‚ A variety of roles depending on a variety of things.😝

      It’s a long and arduous process, many forms and questionnaires involved.πŸ˜‚

      Not long actually, just whilst I was writing up the post and trying to come up with outlandish stuff to include for goals.πŸ‘

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I didn’t realize there were different roles… how many roles could there be? πŸ€”πŸ˜‚
        How do you expect to get any bloupies if it’s such a hard process? πŸ€”
        Are you feeling lonely so you feel the need to set people up, hmm? πŸ˜πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It is because I am so nice and kind that I want to help set people up. You know, share the kindness and all that!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

        Yeah, quite a few roles and well, it’s a hard process so that those who complete it are worthy of being a bloupie. You know, I wouldn’t want just any old riff-raff applying!πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Bahahahaha πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚Is that you’re life’s work right there? To do good to others by setting them up?

        Good luck with that. Hopefully you get some good applicants to help you out with that 😜

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I just laughed out loud at “Deep Creamy Sea.” I really need to stop reading this stuff at work. The rest of your goals need some work though. Only 100,000 followers? Pfffft. Amateur.

    Liked by 1 person

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