I have plundered the depths of my worldly wisdom and vast blogging knowledge and I thought that I’d share with you some foolproof and sure-fire ways in which you can all get ARC’s.
Kidnap the author. Keep them locked up, chained to a radiator and hidden away in a remote location until the publicist agrees to send you a copy of the ARC in exchange for the unharmed return of the author.
Kidnap the publicist. Hold them captive until the publisher agrees to send you a copy of the ARC. Yes, this is exactly the same as the previous point only the author has been replaced with the publicist but there is a reason! You see, the author is famous, more security, a higher profile, people know what they look like and getting to them will be harder. The publicist, no, they are just a person with a job which makes them a far easier target.
Send the publicist threatening emails. Then demand that they send you the ARC or you won’t be held responsible for the consequences if they don’t adhere to your request.
Send the publicist threatening letters. Then demand that they send you the ARC. Yes, again this is the exact same point as above just with ‘email‘ replaced with ‘letter‘. Again, there’s a reason. Some like to kick it old school (yes, some bloggers are just old too) and a threatening letter is old school, perhaps with more impact too if you copy many an old film and use cut out letters and words from various newspapers and magazines to create the letter.
Befriend the publicist, woo them, wine them, dine them, take them out, get to know them, build a relationship and then bam, when their guard is down you hit them with and slip in (no not that, though I guess if it goes well at dinner then for dessert you might get a chance to slip that in too) a request for the ARC.
There are lots of bloggers out there who get lots of ARC’s. If for certain you know that a particular blogger is likely to get the ARC that you desire then you could always steal their online identity, pretend to be them and email the publicist saying that the blogger who you are pretending to be has recently moved house and that they have a new address. Simply, give them your address and the ARC will be sent out addressed to that other blogger but will be posted to your address. The end result, you will get the ARC, simple and if there is any comeback, just deny any knowledge. As Shaggy once sang ‘it wasn’t me’.
Go to your place of religion and pray. No shade here, it might work, whichever almighty deity you pray too and worship could hear your prayer and grant a miracle. Parting the sea, no, world peace, no, getting you the ARC you want, now that’s a miracle worthy of Jebus.
You could always strike a deal with the Devil. C’mon, I just mentioned Jebus I was bound to mention old Beelzebub too. Many of us have sinned and we are on the highway to hell. We might as well make the most of it and get some benefits.
Get a tattoo asking for the ARC and then send a picture to the publicist. This shows a high level of commitment and shows how much the ARC means to you, the request etched on your body forever more. Well, unless you get it removed, a cover-up or you could simply get the book title removed and then you can get a new book title in its place when it is healed.
Camp outside the offices of the publisher and start a protest. You want the ARC, you will be heard! Get some followers, get some signs, get a slogan and away you go.
If you are scientifically minded and clever then you could build a time machine. You could then travel into the future to a time when the book has been released, get a finished copy of the book and travel back to the present, job done. Now, obviously, it wouldn’t be an ARC, it’d be a finished copy but you’d still get the book.
You could always break into the publisher offices and steal the ARC. You are a thief in the night, a shadow cloaked in darkness, in and out before they even know it with the ARC in your possession (and a few others to sell on eBay).
If you have a flair for the elaborate then you could devise a scheme. You could always wear a disguise, use a false name and identity infiltrate the publisher as an employee and steal the ARC that way. Starting at the bottom and working your way up until you get access to the ARC’s. Granted, it’s a rather lengthy process but hey, you’ll get the result in the end, that sweet sweet ARC. Mmm….ARC.
Going a bit dark here but you could always try a blood sacrifice. Animal or human, it doesn’t matter though if it’s a popular ARC then probably go with human sacrifice as it shows dedication or, at the very least, an endangered species of animal as the more popular the ARC, the more bloggers who will want it. Get a knife, an altar, a chant, some ceremonial robes, a person/endangered animal for the sacrifice and you are all set.
To end with a tough one…….
You could always start a book blog. You write some posts, read and review some books and then, in time just ask for the possibility of receiving an ARC.
Big Poppa Blogga is your hook up. Holla if ya here me!
Do you have any of your own avant-garde and way-out ways to get ARC’s??