Welcome one and all to my blogging goals for 2019 post. Now, I wasn’t going to do one of these posts but I’ve seen them everywhere over the past few days and I thought why not? It could be because it is the start of a new year and people want to set themselves goals, it could be a subliminal message from a diety that this is the posting way to go or it could be both, who knows?!🤔😂
So, I decided to knock one out (yes, I’m male, I like knocking one out, blog post, obvs, innit, no filth here) and get on the blogging goals post train, first stop, goalsville.🚂🚉🚫😂 I have to say that I’m rather disappointed, I expected this post to give me a sense of satisfaction and a happy ending, alas, it didn’t.🙄😒 The train wasn’t great either and I much prefer The Godfathers Ho train, stopping at smutsville.🚂🚉😂😜
Sadly, that train has been derailed as it is not politically correct anymore. A fossil and a relic from a bygone time, it has been closed down and no longer can I take a ride on the Ho Train, RIP.😥🚂😢
Side note: maybe start a Blo Train (Blog Train, innit). All aboard the Blo Train, Blo, Blo, Blo!🚂😂🚉😜 Yep, that sounds like a plan and yep, sounds like it’ll be stopping at smutsville too. It’s the circle of life, when the Ho goes, replace them with a Blo!😂
Anyho, sorry, anyhow.😂🤣 Ya know how it is with these typo’s they creep up on you.👍 Obviously, I meant anyhow, I have standards, anyho wouldn’t cut it.🤣😂😜
Right, blogging goals, here they are and holy mother forking shirt balls are they serious!
Read a book.
It’ll be hard (the goal, obviously) but with a little dedication and commitment, I think that I can do it and a page a day should see me manage to read one book this year.👍
Write a review for the book.
Already done and drafted.📝👌 I have two drafts ready ‘dis book iz gr8‘ or ‘dis book iz shat‘ and I’ll pick whichever is relevant to my view on the book when I’m finished reading. That’s called thinking ahead (ahead not got head, such filth) and as you can see, should the book be crap, I’ve used ‘shat‘ and not ‘shit‘ so my review is Amazon ready cos they don’t like the swearing.😂🤣
Write an original content blog post.
I iz already done this one too, this is that post, I iz winning at blogging, innit.😂🤣
Be part of the blogging community and read, like, share and comment on another blogger’s blog post.
I iz also done this one. Holy hb-shizzle I’m killing these goals.😂
Remember to refer to myself as an award-winning, popular and well-respected blogger.
See, in 2018 I won an award. The funniest blogger award at the Annual Bloggers Bash – if you don’t, believe me, I have proof and the post link is !!HERE!! So, I really am award-winning, people voted and everything! Can you talk about validation?😂 Fuck equality, I won an award.🤣 Yet, I never refer to myself by that moniker, award-winning, stupid!
I have also seen bloggers refer to themselves as popular and well-respected, some use both terms, others only one but where’s the proof? How do we know you are popular? How do we know you are well-respected? We don’t, they are just words that you are writing and labels that you are giving yourselves to big yourself up.😂
Due to this, from now on, I’m going to refer to myself as an award-winning, popular and well-respected blogger.👍
Get 10,000 blog followers.
If everyone realised how awesome my blog is then like the Messiah that I am, people would flock (good job there wasn’t a typo there and I wrote fuck instead of flock) to follow me.
Get 1,000,000 page views.
It’s like that Kevin Costner film, no, not Water World where the women get wet.💦😂 Field of Dreams where he is told: ‘if you build it, he will come‘. Well, I didn’t have a vision (copyright, the film would sue for plagiarism and artistic similarities). Also, like Wayne’s World 2 and the line: ‘if you book them, they will come‘. No, I received a scrawled note and on it was written ‘if you write it, they will cum‘. I admit, at first, that the spelling was a bit disconcerting but obviously, it’s an honest mistake and whoever wrote the note meant ‘come‘ and not ‘cum‘. Hhhmmm…..the paper it was written on was rather sticky though.😂🤣😜
Get some Blogubines.
One of my goals in 2018 was to get some bloupies (blogging groupies) for my blog, I failed. As such, in the depths of my disappointment, Yes, it is my saddest regret for blogging in 2018 that no-one took up the offer. I am retiring that phrase and replacing it with a new one, Blogubines (blogging concubines).😂
Any takers to be a blogubine?🤔
Write a worst bloggers post.
It’s the time of year when most everyone (mine goes up tomorrow, the post people, mind out of the gutter) is doing their best books of the year post and spreading the love around (not like that, again, minds out of the gutter people). Some, however, are doing worst books of the year posts too, definitely, no love shared there. Imagine how an author would feel seeing their book on a blogger’s shit list.🙄
Now, I firmly (yep, please step out of the gutter) believe in the ‘my blog, my rules‘ mantra and that anyone can post whatever they want, the delicate and sensitive blossoming flower that I am, I do. Honestly, I drop b-bombs, p-bombs, s-bombs, f-bombs and even the much-hated c-bombs on copious occasions in my posts and I post whatever I want. Some of the stuff I post would make you blush and go running to hide beneath your mothers (or fathers if they so choose, no discrimination here folks) skirts! 👍 Granted, there’s some of you who like the filth and may get moist and wanting but the majority blush at the wholesome and clean professional posts that I write.😂😜
So, this isn’t about that and I’m not questioning the decision to do worst of posts, not at all, your blog, your choice. In fact, seeing them gave me the idea for my worst bloggers post, let’s see how you feel being on a shit list, I’m sure it’ll be super fun and super popular.👍
Don’t worry, before you bandy around favouritism and discrimination I will be looking at my own blog to see if it deserves a place on the list. So, who will be included, who knows, it might be you, you or you and maybe just maybe you will make the list.😂🤣😜
Get to the stage where I still get sent free books but I don’t actually blog.
I have seen people on SM that no longer blog parading their many free books and shiny ARC’s around and I want in!📚👍 Now that I am an award-winning, popular and well-respected blogger. See, I’m membering to refer to myself by those terms, that was a previous blogging goal in this post, you are reading the post aren’t you?🤔😂 It should be easy to accomplish and free stuff for doing nothing, yes, please!
Continue being awesome.
Yep, a nice easy goal to end with.👍👌😂😜
So, there you have it my blogging goals for 2019. With your love and your continued support, I am sure that I will be able to achieve these goals. 🙂
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